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Being Disabled, Kinky, & Into BDSM: Disabled Littles Share Their Stories (Part 2)

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For Part 2 of the “Being Disabled, Kinky, & Into BDSM” mini series, I wanted to take a look into the lives of disabled Littles.  To each person who expressed interest in sharing their story, I asked them to share about themselves, their disabilities, and how they got into the DD/lg [Daddy Dom/Little Girl] lifestyle.  If they were disabled Littles specifically, I asked how they felt about their disability possibly being a barrier or a plus in attracting and finding future Daddy Doms.  For some, the disability factor was something they considered in attracting a partner while for others it was not that huge of a barrier in relationships.

All of the responses I received were as diverse as the individuals who participated as interviewees.  Do know that names have been changed, and ages are not exact; both are done to protect the anonymity of the individuals.

Today, we will read the stories of Olivia* and Emily*, women in their 20s who are in Daddy Dom/Little Girl relationships.  Both have taken a unique journey into discovering their “Little” identity, and how their disabilities and experiences have played a role in shaping how they view themselves and this role.

Special Attention:  I want to disclose that there is triggering content within this post:  rape, abuse, domestic violence, eating disorder, and self-harm/cutting, are mentioned, though not in graphic detail.  I want everyone to be safe in reading this, which is why I’m sharing what is referenced to by the interviewees.  

Without further ado…  

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Olivia, a Little who realized she was different from an early age, and took her time in understanding her true self:  

I’m in my mid-20s, and have been in the DD/lg lifestyle for a bit longer than a year.  I’ve been together with my boyfriend (who is also my Daddy [Dom]) for more than three years.  I was seeing a therapist for my social anxiety (and at the time slight bulimia as well), and the way I got a grip on my issues was by figuring out how old I felt at a given time.  The social anxiety turned out to be the result of having been bullied in high school – I kept returning to the age of about 14/15 – but aside from that, at moments where I wanted cuddles and needed comfort, I regressed to the age of 3 or 4.  I had never heard of the DD/lg lifestyle before at this point.   But we kind of grew into it, since my boyfriend told me he quite liked when I was being “little” and regressing, and I’m not sure exactly how it went from there, but he told me about the lifestyle and we kind of grew into it.

About my social anxiety disorder – I’m always wondering what people think about me, and mostly assuming that their thoughts about me are negative.  It bothers me a lot less than it used to – I have a couple of very sweet friends (and of course a wonderful Daddy) who make me feel loved and accepted, but I’m still worrying a lot of the time that people might not like me, or that people might think I’m being stupid, or that people think I’m not working hard enough, things like that.

As I said, I was already in a relationship with my Daddy before we got into the DD/lg lifestyle, so finding a daddy has never been a problem for me.  If we were to break up, I honestly don’t know if I would look for another daddy, since this is also something that’s between the two of us.  I will always have that regressing side of me, though, so who knows.  But for now, I’m assuming that we won’t break up any time soon, and I’m looking forward to the next big steps in life with my Daddy.  I have no experience with other daddies, and wouldn’t know if they are more or less receptive to “disabled” littles.  I also have to add here that I don’t consider myself as a “disabled” person.  I’m a person with social anxiety disorder; it’s part of my personality and I’m working hard at making sure it doesn’t take over my thoughts.  But it doesn’t feel as though it “disables” me, even though it might make social situations harder than for other people.

Emily, a Little whose self-discovery allowed her to overcome challenges in her past:  

I’m in my late 20s, and I’ve had an idea that I was a little for about 10 years, but looking back on it now, I displayed signs of interest in BDSM at a much younger age.  I remember being about five years old and taking my stuffed animals to the backyard and tying them up to the fence with my hair ribbons.  I also fantasized a LOT about being kidnapped as a child.  I remember a lot of games I played with friends [that] involved that sort of thing.  There were some sexual experiences, both vague and direct, that I had with female friends as a child that stick out in my mind as being a catalyst for my future interests as well, but anxiety over the idea that sex was naughty kept me from exploring it much further than some kissing and heavy petting.

As a teenager, I was almost completely uninterested in sex.  Very rarely did I experience sexual feelings for my classmates.  I did date some and I had a few crushes on friends and classmates, mostly female, but it was all very innocent, probably due to a combination of the medications I was on and the trauma I was experiencing at home.  While the medication and therapy were COMPLETELY necessary, as I had begun cutting and drinking as a very young teen, it took most of my teens to come to a place of being able to function without major assistance.  As difficult as it was, I’m really glad I was made to go to therapy because I know I wouldn’t be here otherwise.  It gave me the tools I needed to recover.  That’s where I learned to coach myself through a panic attack and identify the triggers of my PTSD, which was so incredibly key to my success as an adult.

Backtracking a bit, my self-discovery as a Little began around 16 or so.  I became really interested in Lolita fashion, and even though I never really participated, the style stuck in my mind as something that I found just so viscerally ATTRACTIVE.  I lurked around message boards on LiveJournal, trying to learn as much as I could about it when someone introduced a thread about ABDL [Adult Baby Diaper Lover] and how TERRIBLE it is that these people exist and co-mingle with the Lolita crowd.  Well, I didn’t know what ABDL was at the time, and so I went to check it out…and when I read about it something just felt really, really right.  I devoured as much information about it as I could find, but kept all of it a secret until my late teens to early 20’s. I still didn’t know at that time that someone could be little without being an AB [Adult Baby], so I just called myself an AB and lived with some confusion about my identity.  Which went over really poorly when I tried to explain what I wanted to my first post-discovery romantic interest.  And it went over ESPECIALLY poorly when they freaked out about it and I didn’t really have the knowledge to defend my identity.  I hid who I was and tried hard to forget about it out of fear that my partner would leave me.

Eventually (YEARS later) I kind of grew up about it and I began looking for a new relationship on FetLife before the first one had quite ended.  I met a local man who referred to himself as being a “kinkster” and having dominant tendencies.  There were a few red flags at the beginning of our relationship, but I didn’t fully realize until he had his hooks in me; that [is] what he meant by that was having sex his way, all the time with little to no regard for what pleased me and also that I would be doing all the work around the house while he did whatever he wanted.  Because that’s what submissives do.  When I finally put my foot down and said that something somewhere needed to give, he would cry and gaslight and shift blame until I figured I just wasn’t wasn’t ever going to be loved on my terms.  Eventually, he raped me while I was having a panic attack, and in coming to terms with that, I realized that I needed to find a way out somehow.

Daddy and I had known each other for about a year, but I always thought that he disliked me.  We worked together and I tried to be friendly, but I just kind of got the feeling that he thought maybe I wasn’t very smart.  That affected me like WAY more than it probably should have, looking back, I might have been a little obsessed, and later I learned that he was too, he just really didn’t want me to know it.  I was still with my abuser at the time, and Daddy was (and in some ways still is) trying to get away from an abuser of his own.  Through a perfect series of events, we became partners for a project at work, which rather quickly evolved into heavy flirting over Facebook and Skype.  We discovered that we had some similar baggage in that we were both abused in some very major ways over the course of our lives and we battled PTSD because of it.  The first few months of our relationship, I wasn’t sure we were going to make it because our feelings for each other were just SO INTENSE.  We were experiencing some pretty serious jealousy and fear, and it caused a lot of panic attacks and hurt feelings for both of us.  Things were really good when we were together, but at that time, we were still long distance and our prognosis felt pretty grim for a while there.

I forget how the subject came up initially, but we began discussing BDSM and rough play and we decided to give that dynamic a shot because it’s something we had always wanted and never really had.  We began as Master and slave and we really enjoyed it.  It also seemed to combat the feelings of jealousy between us because it required us to be more accountable and trusting of each other.  Things went pretty well for about a month, but we missed the warmth and partnership that we shared when we were equals.  Master felt like he had to be very severe with me, and I felt like I had to be a perfectly submissive little doll, and it was a lot more work than I think than two beginners had bargained for.  We both required a lot of “time out” from our roles and that felt a little bit awkward.  The power exchange and the bondage seemed a natural fit for us, but we needed something a bit…warmer.  Bit by bit, I began feeling more comfortable revealing myself as a Little to him, and I was frankly shocked at how well he seemed to handle it.  We gave it a try and I think it only took a few days for Master to come around and say that he wanted me to call him Daddy from then on.  It’s amazing how much more secure I feel in my relationship with Daddy now that we’ve employed a dynamic that works for us.  I’d always had obsessive, anxious thoughts about whether or not my partners actually loved me, and I think the reason was because I needed dominance and nobody was willing to give it to me.  I can allow myself to BELIEVE that I’m loved because I’ve been gifted with his ownership, and I can trust that my service as a submissive is interpreted as a gift of love also.

Final Thoughts

Though these two women share the same title, “Little,” they are different in how they came to understanding themselves as individuals and as Littles, and what the lifestyle means to them.  This is a prime example that Littles are not “cookie cutter” – it would be erroneous to define us by one person’s experience or voice.  Olivia and Emily provided us with many views, from why someone may want to be a Little, to realizing that the feelings and behaviors they have are unique, but may not have understood what they meant fully until researching in detail.  Again, all of this is normal because we each recognize our differences in a myriad of ways, and at different stages in life.  There is no “right” or “wrong” way to becoming a Little.  

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If Part 2 has you wanting to know more, check out the rest of the series:  Part 1, which explains what BDSM is; Part 3, which shares 2 more stories from disabled Kinksters; & Part 4, which is my story! 

(* = Names have been changed.)

(Featured headlining image:  Courtesy of ShutterStock.)

About Vilissa Thompson, LMSW

Vilissa is the Founder & CEO of Ramp Your Voice!, an organization she created to establish herself as a Disability Rights Consultant & Advocate. Ramp Your Voice! is a prime example of how macro-minded Vilissa truly is, and her determination to leave a giant "tire track mark" on the world.

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