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“Can’t Make This Ish Up” Files: When Online Dating Goes to the FAR Left

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Online Dating 1

I know that it has been MONTHS since I have given you an update regarding my online dating adventures for the “That’s the Way Love Rolls” series.  I thought it would be fitting to share what has transpired, and discuss the strangest encounter I have had that left me like “whaaaat???”

We Started Off On the Right Foot…

It was early May, and I got a message from a guy who lived in the DMV area (DMV = Washington, DC, Maryland, and Virginia).  He was in his early 30s, a medical resident at a university, and had one child.  From his profile page, he seemed straightforward in what he was looking for in a relationship, and his approach in messaging me was different.  

By “different,” he did not send me the usual, “hey dear/lovely/beautiful, how are you” message.  Instead, he asked me what song I would use to describe the mood I was in.  Being someone who enjoys when people think outside the box, I decided to play along.  It was a nice exchange, and then we decided to talk off the site, via iMessages.

…and Then Things Went Left… All the Way Left.

Once we started chatting via iMessages, everything was copacetic at first.  No weirdness or inappropriate behavior expressed on his end at all.  

However, I did notice was that the exchanges were sporadic; every couple of days.  At first, I was not alarmed because he was a medical student, and I knew they typically have long residency hours.  But even with that understanding… my female intuition kicked in, and I knew something was off.  Most guys have the issue of messaging you too much in the beginning, not the other way around.  

Being someone who knows that men are creatures of habit, and will use the same username for most of their internet activities, I decided to Google the name on his profile.  

Yes, some may consider this “snooping;” I consider it being smart… Google is our friend for a reason, and boy, was it a good friend to me this time around.  

The least of what I expected to find was some mundane profiles; the worst would be finding out he’s married or something more sinister.  

What I stumbled upon was something, even 3 months later, I still do not understand.  

Google Plus Spilled All the Tea, & It Was Unsweet

What I discovered was a Google Plus page created by a young lady who dated this man.  On the page, she shared, in grave details, that he was a liar, manipulative, and in her words, a sociopath.  

I found out that the man lied about his age, his occupation, his family, and fraternal affiliations.  The lady rightfully scorned, as I like to call her, went on to divulge the following:  

  1. how he lied about being younger than he was – he was in his mid-30s and not early 30s;
  2. used several alias – the name he gave me was one of them;  
  3. was NOT a medical student – though he wore a white jacket and medical scrubs in several pictures, no one could find out what school or residency he was a part of due to the alias;
  4. lied about his mother’s death; I was told she was deceased during a conversation we had on Mother’s Day about our plans for that day.  According to the young lady, both of his parents are alive and well and are living in the South; and finally,
  5. he fabricated about being a member of a Fraternity; with the way he spelled his profile name, I thought he may have been a member of the Divine 9, but I never got the opportunity to ask about his possible fraternal affiliation.  

There is one more thing:  he was an eight-time convicted felon.  His criminal history started when he was in his late teens, when he impersonated being a college student for 3 months at an Ivy League school.  Later convictions would be car theft, and other non-violent offenses.  

Even while writing this, I cannot help but laugh at the sheer foolery I came across, which was the same reaction I had when I discovered the page.  

Now, you may be thinking that this is just one jilted person’s perspective… it is not.  There were SEVERAL women who shared similar stories about this man.  One young lady even shared a story of falling asleep at his place, and woke up dazed and confused (she believed he may have put something in her drink).  Others commented on how he would get away with not paying for dates by saying he forgot his wallet or did not have cash on him.  Some even said he had rotten teeth, and suspected him of having “meth mouth” (with this, he did not smile in any of his pictures, so I cannot verify if this claim of him having dental issues is accurate or exaggerated).  

This Google Plus page has been up for over a year, and women who probably had similar intuition suspicions like myself found this page and view it as a “warning… RUN” alert.  Apparently, he knows of this page, and has contacted the original poster (OP) to take it down.  Obviously… she has not, and has no intentions because she sees it as her “duty” to warn women about his misbehavior and misrepresentation of himself.  

What’s a Woman to Do?

After I learned all this, there was only one thing to do:  WHEEL LIKE HELL AWAY.  Yep, I cut off all communication from him; mainly blocked him on iMessages.  I did not owe him an explanation as to why I went ghost; I just needed to not get sucked into the tomfoolery matrix, and remain unscarred.  

After that incident… I took a mini break from OkCupid, and just started back using it before the end of last month.  

I have done online dating on and off for 4 years now… and have NEVER experienced that.  I still have “did that really happen??!?!?” moments when I think about this incident.  

Key Takeaways:

What can we learn from my wild adventure?

  • Google is the friend that has all the tea… use it and use it wisely.  
  • Trust your intuition.  If things feel off, DO NOT IGNORE THOSE FEELS.  They exist for a reason – listen to them.  
  • Always be prepared for any and everything… need I say more?  

Now, all of this took place within the span of 2 weeks, so it is not like I gave up a significant amount of time in getting to know him and then wheeling away at high speed like I was a torch bearer for the Olympics.  Do not feel bad for me… be glad that I was one of the lucky women that got away without being traumatized as the women I mentioned.  I am glad to have dodged a hell of a torpedo… believe me.  

You really cannot make this up… no matter how hard you try.  3 months later, this is a story that I can laugh at, and knew I needed to share for the blog.  

Until next time…

(Featured headlining image:  Courtesy of Pixabay.)

About Vilissa Thompson, LMSW

Vilissa is the Founder & CEO of Ramp Your Voice!, an organization she created to establish herself as a Disability Rights Consultant & Advocate. Ramp Your Voice! is a prime example of how macro-minded Vilissa truly is, and her determination to leave a giant "tire track mark" on the world.

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