Love and Intimacy with a Disability

  1. BuzzFeed, Dating In A Wheelchair, & Representation:  Interview with Lolo

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    Screenshot of the title of the video:  “Thoughts You Have While Dating In A Wheelchair” (Buzzfeed)

    Screenshot of the title of the video:  “Thoughts You Have While Dating In A Wheelchair” (BuzzFeed)

    Buzzfeed is known for creating videos about diverse life experiences, and it has recently produced one that I can wholeheartedly relate to.  The video is “Thoughts You Have While Dating In A Wheelchair” that features vlogger Lolo.  Lolo’s performance spoke deeply to my spirit.  It was the first time I saw a Black disabled woman talk about dating in such a way that resonated with my own experiences.  In her role, Lolo brought the funny with her “heels or boots?” question and gushing about how her date was so strong when helping her in the Uber.  The thoughts and concerns Lolo portrayed are ones that were too realistic – I could not stop laughing at the truth gems dropped in the video.  

    I reached out to Lolo because I had to know who she was, and I am grateful that she afforded me the pleasure of interviewing her for the blog.  In the following interview, Lolo shared with me about how she got the role, why doing this video was important to her, and her ambitions as a disabled vlogger.  

    Without further ado, here is Lolo, in all of her Black disabled girl magic glory:

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  1. That’s The Way Love Rolls: Online Dating Adventures of a Single Black Disabled Woman

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    Dating Blog Post Image

    Spring is in the air, which means that we will be coming out of winter hibernation and seeking activities to mingle with old and new acquaintances.  As a single Black disabled woman, I decided that this is the season where I begin my journey in finding viable candidates for the Mr. Right title.

    Yes, I am going to dip my toes back into the dating pool, and I decided to share my experiences for a new series, “That’s the Way Love Rolls.”  This series will highlight the good, bad, strange, and utterly humorous moments of my dating experience as a 30 year old disabled woman.  I will also share the experiences of other disabled women, since I know my fellow disabled sisters have some very interesting tales regarding their own journeys in finding love.  

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  1. Being Disabled, Kinky, & Into BDSM: Disabled Little & Disabled Daddy Dom Speaks Out (Part 3)

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    The “Being Disabled, Kinky, & Into BDSM” mini series continues with the sharing of stories from a disabled Little, and a disabled Daddy Dominant (Daddy Dom).  Rachel* and Phil* shares insight into how one’s disabilities can affect their roles within the DD/lg relationship dynamic, as well as ways disabilities can prove to be a bonus to their sexual self-expression and satisfaction.  These two perspectives are important because both show that having a disability does not mean that one cannot express themselves sexually (as society tends to believe) or prevent them from being engaging in loving, healthy relationships.  Having a disability does not equate to being asexual or unlovable; and it is incredibly ableist and offensive to dismiss the importance of sexuality and worthiness of sexual expression simply due to disability status(es).  

    Without further ado, let’s read what our disabled BDSM’ers have to say.  

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  1. Being Disabled, Kinky, & Into BDSM: Disabled Littles Share Their Stories (Part 2)

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    For Part 2 of the “Being Disabled, Kinky, & Into BDSM” mini series, I wanted to take a look into the lives of disabled Littles.  To each person who expressed interest in sharing their story, I asked them to share about themselves, their disabilities, and how they got into the DD/lg [Daddy Dom/Little Girl] lifestyle.  If they were disabled Littles specifically, I asked how they felt about their disability possibly being a barrier or a plus in attracting and finding future Daddy Doms.  For some, the disability factor was something they considered in attracting a partner while for others it was not that huge of a barrier in relationships.

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  1. Being Disabled, Kinky, & Into BDSM: Exposing the Truth for National Kink Month (Part 1)

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    October is National Kink Month, an observance established by Stockroom.com in 2012.  October seemed to be a fitting month for such a recognition to be held due to the fact that Halloween is a very popular adult holiday – the costumes men and women wear are provocative, and allows for one to express themselves publicly in attire that would not be deemed “suitable” any other day in the year.  This acceptance of sexual exploration and expression on Halloween caused those within Stockroom to view it as the perfect season to create understanding about BDSM and fetish play, and debunk the myths and inaccuracies that surrounds the lifestyle.  Stockroom’s founder Joel Tucker sums the idea surrounding National Kink Month in the following statement:  

    “Kinky sex is based on experimentation, adventure, and exploration of roles and dynamics that are often different from the day-to-day lives we lead.  Halloween, for adults, is an occasion for playing with sexy costumes, assumed identities, and the enjoyment or humor in the darker side of life.  (Think of ‘The Addams Family.’) Kink, Halloween, and the month of October are a natural fit.”

    (Excerpted from “Stockroom.com Declares October is National Kink Month” from MarketWired.com.)

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  1. Preparing to Pop Wheelies Down the Aisle Soon?: Wedding Planning Tools for Disabled Brides & Grooms

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    With Valentine’s Day approaching, I know that there will be some lucky disabled brides and grooms putting a ring on it this week.  After the ring, comes the planning, of course!  Wedding planning is stressful as it is, but when you add disability into the mix, it can make brides and grooms worry about how to appropriately and seamlessly incorporate their disability into their special day.

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  1. Domestic Violence & Disabled Women – The Silent Epidemic within Our Community

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    Kendall could tell by the slam of the door that Mark was in a foul mood.  She was sitting on the couch in the living room of their small apartment reading her book, with her wheelchair positioned beside her.  She looked up, and saw the expression on his face that signified that this evening wasn’t going to be a peaceful one.

    “Did you make dinner yet?,” he said curtly.

    “No.  I was just about to get up and do so,” she uttered in a meek voice.

    “Damn it, woman.  I work this hell of a job all day.  At least you can have a hot meal waiting for me when I get home!!,” he yelled while leaning forward to get in her face.

    Kendall let out a small whimper while Mark glared at her as he proceeded to walk towards her wheelchair.  He shoved it across the room, and gave her a sadistic smirk.

    “How are you going to go make dinner now without your precious damn wheelchair?!?!,” he barked in a condescending tone.

    “Please Mark, just give me my chair back.  I’m sorry,” Kendall sobbed as Mark continued to tower over her, making her feel inferior for the 1,000th time.

    “You’ll learn one goddamn day to do what’s right!  You do this on purpose to make me angry!,” Mark shouted as he raised his hand in the position to hit her, but the threat of being smacked alone was enough abuse for him to inflict on Kendall that day.  Seeing how small she felt, he jerked the chair back toward the couch, and stomped off.

    Why do I keep putting up with this? Kendall thought to herself.  I feel so trapped by being here; I have no friends, no job, or money to support myself – how much longer do I have to endure this?  With shaky nerves, she locked the brakes on her wheelchair, transferred herself into it, and wheeled to the kitchen to make dinner, all while tears streamed from her eyes.

    Domestic Violence Observance Ribbon

    This fictitious narrative is sadly the situation many disabled women endure from their significant others every day in America, and across the world.  October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I thought that this would be the opportune time to spotlight the silent epidemic that is killing and destroying the lives of the disabled women we love, work with, and who bring incredible joy to our lives.

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  1. Marriage & Cohabitation: A Right or A Privilege for People with Disabilities?

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    The right to marriage and cohabitation as persons with disabilities are not always granted or respected in society.  I learned about a case in New York where a newlywed couple filed a discrimination claim against a group home that refused to allow them to live together.  Paul Forziano and Hava Samuels are in their 30s, and have intellectual disabilities.  They wed April 2013, and made the request to live together as a married couple to the group home.  The group home denied their request, stating that the arrangement would be “impossible” and “fraught with difficulties.”  The couple and their parents ardently believed that not allowing them to live together violated their rights, and they filed a lawsuit regarding their claim.  Last month, a federal judge struck down their lawsuit, on the grounds that the couple did not prove that they were discriminated against by the group home because of their disability statuses.  Forziano and Samuels plan to appeal their case.

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  1. Dating, Love, & Sex with a Disability (Part 3)

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    For the third and final installment of the Dating, Love, & Sex:  The Experiences of Women with Disabilities series, we will learn Erin’s, Samantha’s, and Charlotte’s views on “disabled devotees,” being asked about the disability status of their partners, and if men with disabilities have it easier when it comes to dating and finding love.  (If you have missed out on the eye-opening discussions in this series, do read Part 1 and Part 2.)

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