Screenshot of the title of the video: “Thoughts You Have While Dating In A Wheelchair” (BuzzFeed)
Buzzfeed is known for creating videos about diverse life experiences, and it has recently produced one that I can wholeheartedly relate to. The video is “Thoughts You Have While Dating In A Wheelchair” that features vlogger Lolo. Lolo’s performance spoke deeply to my spirit. It was the first time I saw a Black disabled woman talk about dating in such a way that resonated with my own experiences. In her role, Lolo brought the funny with her “heels or boots?” question and gushing about how her date was so strong when helping her in the Uber. The thoughts and concerns Lolo portrayed are ones that were too realistic – I could not stop laughing at the truth gems dropped in the video.
I reached out to Lolo because I had to know who she was, and I am grateful that she afforded me the pleasure of interviewing her for the blog. In the following interview, Lolo shared with me about how she got the role, why doing this video was important to her, and her ambitions as a disabled vlogger.
Without further ado, here is Lolo, in all of her Black disabled girl magic glory:
VT: Tell me about yourself.
Lolo:I am a disability lifestyle influencer and vlogger with my own Youtube channel called Sitting Pretty that is all about my life as a woman in a wheelchair.
VT: How did you get selected for this video?
Lolo: I met the director/producer, Daysha Edewi, at an event in Los Angeles. We clicked really well and developed an idea to work together on a sketch and that’s pretty much it. It was all organic, which I loved; plus she’s an amazing person.
VT: What insight were you able to provide about the script, which is so realistic to the thoughts I have as a Black disabled woman that dates?
Lolo:I wanted to provide subtle insight on a topic everyone can relate to, like dating, but share my unique experience as a person with a disability. The “thoughts” were very specific and spoke to those things.
VT: What was your experience in creating the video? Were you proud of the finished product?
Lolo:The experience was PHENOMENAL! I literally had one of the best and most fun times ever on set. We just worked well together and had the same type of humor and spirits so we just had a great time. Lots of laughter!!!
VT: Why did this video matter to you as a Black disabled woman?
Lolo:It mattered to me as a black woman because black women with disabilities are never represented in media. I made sure that whatever I did for the video, that it was going to be authentic to my personality and being a black woman is a huge part of that.
VT: How do you want disabled women, particularly Black women with disabilities, to view you in this role, & the message you shared?
Lolo:Honestly, I just want anyone who can relate, to love this video. And anyone who thought it wasn’t possible to date and be desired, to know that you can date and you are desirable.
VT: Are you hoping Buzzfeed and other outlets produce more of these videos, and do so to include disabled women from all backgrounds?
Lolo:Yes I would love for them to. It’s all about representation and inclusion for me.
VT: Do know I am very excited to know you and am eager to support your work. Share with us about your vlog and other projects you are a part of.
Lolo:My vlog is on YouTube and it’s called “Sitting Pretty.” I talk about various parts of disability lifestyle in a fun and fearless way. I have some more stuff that I’m working on to spread awareness and promote inclusion.
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Videos like “Thoughts You Have While Dating In A Wheelchair” is definitely a prime example as to why intersected dating experiences need to be shared – we become affirmed that we are not alone in our love journey. That video empowered me as I continue my “that’s the way love rolls” adventures and I know that others can say the same. On Lolo’s YouTube channel, she discusses dating and life as a disabled woman, and I am a new follower to her wonderful advice.
We need more of these videos – our stories matter and now is the time to step up and create these bodies of work so that we can be authentically represented.
Social media was abuzz with shock earlier this week when we learned that the critically acclaimed show Underground was canceled on WGN America after two seasons. I was incredibly upset that this dynamic show and its compelling depiction of slavery would no longer be returning for a rightfully earned third season.
Today is the hashtagversary (hashtag anniversary) of #DisabilityTooWhite. I cannot believe it has been a year since the hashtag went viral, and how it changed my life and the dialogue in the community.
It still astounds me that something I created from an impassioned reaction to an article stirred up so much conversation and controversy. The hashtag forced me, and others, to discuss the elephant in the room – the racism, invisibility, erasure, lack of representation, and othering of disabled people of color. Our community can no longer feign that we do not recognize the inequality that exists within; the hashtag has the “receipts” of the injustices enacted on those of us multiple-marginalized. The hashtag allowed people to understand that they are not alone in how they have been mistreated, abused, and ostracized in the community. That realization validated their feelings and experiences, which was a powerful confirmation so many received.
I owe my health and ability to live in this disabled body to Medicaid. It is the social program that is will be under attack if the Senate accumulates enough votes for the American Health Care Act (AHCA). The AHCA is the replacement bill for the Affordable Care Act (ACA), better known as Obamacare. There are provisions within the AHCA that will impact those of us with pre-existing conditions and/or utilize Medicaid.
The disabled community, including myself, have been very vocal as to the harm the AHCA could cause for us. I’ve taken part in discussing my own story & urging our Senators to vote “no” by using the #IAmAPreexistingCondition hashtag, and being interviewed by Al-Jazeera along with other advocates about the bill (click to view Part I and Part II).
I wanted to share the article I wrote for the Center for Disability Rights this month that outlines why Medicaid matters so much to me, and why the AHCA would be dangerous for my people. We need more disabled voices proclaiming that healthcare is a human right that should not be deemed as an optional circumstance to acquire.
I took a hiatus this month from blogging to prepare and attend the National Association of Black Social Workers (NABSW) conference in National Harbor, Maryland. It was the first time I attended the conference, as well as presented about #DisabilityTooWhite to my social work colleagues. I was ecstatic to attend a conference where I would be surrounded by melanin, and it was the spiritual and emotional rejuvenation I needed.
Photo of Keah Brown, a brown skinned young Black woman. Keah is looking directly into the camera and smiling. She has her hair straighten and parted to the side, and wearing a white, red, and denim colored sweater.
One of the reasons I wanted to do this series was to capture the diverse lives of Black disabled women. Very few spaces have given us the opportunity to discuss what it is like to be a triple minority, much less by someone who possess those same identities. Providing an environment where people can be candid about the obstacles they face while navigating the world and embracing who they are is an important part of my advocacy work.
Keah Brown is a 25-years old entertainment journalist, writer, and essayist from Western New York. She recently created the #disabledandcute hashtag that went viral in February. This hashtag allowed disabled people to proclaim and display the diverse beauty that exists in our community. Keah is a dynamic writer and friend, and her presence in the community cannot be ignored.
Here is Keah in her own words about learning to accept herself and using her work to empower other Black disabled women:
Photo of Kerima Cevik, a brown-skinned Black woman. Kerima is facing away from the camera, with her beautiful gray hair covering her face. She is leaning against window blinds, with the light from the window softly hitting her face.
It is so important for Black disabled women to have a village – a group of individuals who understand her fully. A group of uplifters, motivators, and truth sayers who will give you gems of knowledge and love when times go dark. These women will understand your frustrations in ways that many do not and cannot You will never have to “prove” why something hurts because they will automatically know why – they have been through it too. Becoming an advocate has allowed me to build a dynamic village of disabled women, particularly Black disabled women, who hold me down and will empower me when my spirit is running on E.
One of those women is Kerima Cevik, a disabled mother, writer and blogger that resides in Washington, D.C. Kerima was one of the first Black women I found who has written about historical Black disabled people. She has inspired me to do the same, as seen when I feature disabled Black people whose stories are left out of the history books. Kerima’s interview is a powerful read, so much so that my heart was overwhelmed at the truth gems she dropped for this series.
Without further ado, here is Kerima, in all her unapologetic and fierceness being:
Image of Heather Watkins, light-skinned Black woman who is standing in front of a off-white colored door. Heather is smiling directly to the camera, and is wearing a black-and-white multi-striped top with black pants. Heather has her hands placed on her hips, which are in a relaxed pose.
As we continue with the #BlackDisabledGirlMagic series, we have seen the various perspectives about the lives Black disabled women live and our worth shared in our own words. If you have noticed, I have asked each woman the same questions; this was purposeful. Though we all share the same identities of being Black, disabled, and women, we exist and interact in this world from different lens. Those differences are influenced by our upbringings, disabilities, ages, geographical location, educational and professional backgrounds, and so forth. Black disabled women are not a monolith, and that is what I wanted to highlight during Women’s History Month. We may encounter similar battles, but our views on life, our bodies, and survival are greatly individualized, as it is for everyone else.
Heather Watkins is a blogger, disabled mother, community leader, and dear friend that reside in Boston, Massachusetts. Heather has become an older sister to me and was one of the first Black disabled advocates I befriended. Heather’s voice in the community is important because of her life experiences and ability to see people beyond the surface.
I am honored to share Heather’s words and life outlooks with you all:
Image of Kathy D. Woods, a Black little woman. Kathy is outside and standing in front of a white building. Kathy is wearing a red-orange snakeskin-printed dress with black dress shoes. Kathy is smiling directly into the camera.
Fashion and feeling good in the clothes you wear are important, and for some disabled women, it can be a challenge to find apparel that fits your body type and shape. Luckily, clothing lines are recognizing that disabled women (and disabled people in general) are an overlooked consumer market, and are designing clothes that makes us feel comfortable and confident.
Kathy D. Woods has taken this one step further by becoming a designer that targets little women like herself by establishing her self-titled Collection brand: Kathy D. Woods. Kathy resides in Santa Clarita, California, and has received national attention for her brand and the work she is doing to allow disabled women to feel fierce and dynamic as they conquer the world.
Photo of Keri Gray, light-skinned Black women with a small afro who is smiling into the camera and throwing up the peace sign. Keri is dressed in business attire and is standing near a black podium. The podium has a white sign on the front of it that reads: “national youth transitions center.”
For Women’s History Month, I want to spotlight the phenomenal Black women I know who are trailblazers and deserve to have their voices and stories well-known. These women are individuals I respect, admire, and am proud to know on a personal basis. In our community, we do not celebrate #BlackDisabledGirlMagic enough or give praise to the ways we have made our own paths and are doing incredible work. These women are the present, and their advocacy will impact future generations and empower budding advocates, especially Black disabled girls.
The first woman featured for this series is Keri Gray. Keri is 26 years old, and resides in Maryland. I met Keri a year ago at the White House event for Black Disability History, and we instantly connected based on our passions to uplift Black women. Her advocacy work spans many spaces and organizations; she is the Rising Leaders Initiatives Program Manager at the USBLN, the Education Committee Chair for BYP100 DC, and one of the Co-Founders for the Harriet Tubman Collective. Keri is definitely one of the women I call my “disabled Sistagirls,” and I am blessed to know, support, and love her voice and friendship.
Without further ado, this is Keri Gray, a prime example of #BlackDisabledGirlMagic:
VT: Tell us about yourself.
KG: I was born in Salisbury, MD and raised on the south side of Longview, TX. I grew up in an environment where I had to literally cross the railroad tracks in order to do anything besides kick it at a friend’s house. My life has often looked like an Ice Cube “Friday” movie, lol. It has come with a lot of laughs, good friends and family, and some unfortunate situations. I believe it is my faith and hard work that has allowed me to blossom into who I am today.
VT: What is it that you do?
KG:In my work, I identify as an Intersectionality and Youth Programming Artist. I enjoy designing programs that empower Black women, young people with disabilities, and communities of color. The issues that I address in my work are hard. How do you fight against long standing and systemic issues such as racism, sexism, and ableism? How do you re-imagine and then design a world filled with opportunities and access? These are hard questions, but I feel it is a part of my purpose to address these issues.
VT: Why is it important to you to uplift the experiences of Black disabled young women in your work?
KG:One of my biggest fears is to turn into a “hidden figure.” A person who did a lot, but was never recognized for their work. Some people would say that I should not aim for recognition. But to be honest, I am tired of Black women, and particularly young Black disabled women, not getting the recognition and respect that they deserve. It is important for me to uplift the experiences and narratives of young Black disabled women because we deserve it. I’m drawn to young Black disabled women because I am one. The intersections of my identities create an unique narrative that is impossible for others to fully understand unless they are also young, Black, disabled, and a woman. Young people are the center of any revolution, and often the creators or inspiration for innovative designs. Young people are powerful. In my daily life, I hope that I can encourage and create connections for those who are like me.
VT: What are the obstacles Black disabled women face in society? In our disabled community?
KG:There is really no place for Black disabled women. Black disabled women deal with racism and sexism in the mainstream white society, and then we deal with ableism and sexism in the Black community. Black women are often the main audience and backbone of the Black church, and yet, their voices are silenced and their participation is limited. The obstacles to being a Black disabled women can feel endless. When I think of these obstacles I quote a piece of Lucille Clifton’s poem: “Come celebrate with me that everyday something has tried to kill me and has failed.”
VT: How can our community support/uplift Black disabled women? What does that look like for you?
KG:It would be helpful for our community take a step back and allow for Black disabled women to have more opportunities to step up. I would also like to see allies financially invest in opportunities for Black disabled women to get together. As Black disabled women, we need time and space together. We need to see each other, we need to love and uplift each other, and we need to learn from each other. It is my belief, that when Black disabled women are able to build a strong community together then they will ultimately invest back into other communities, organizations, and businesses.
VT: How did you come into your Black disabled womanness? What struggles have you experienced, and are still conquering?
KG:To me, being a Black disabled woman is about embodying confidence and practicing consistent self-love. I have struggled with both concepts over the years. Due to my lack of confidence, I often hid my disabilities growing up. Due to my lack of self-love, I would harm myself and allow other people to harm me. I am not proud to say that I have settled in relationships and I have settled in job placements However, I am happy to say that my level of confidence has grown a lot over the years. Being a Black disabled woman means loving the unique qualities about myself. I have scars all along my body, and I think they are a beautiful testament to my survival. I have this prosthetic limb that allows me to walk anywhere I want, and I think its shiny metal is an unique characteristic that not many can show off. I definitely have a Black woman’s attitude (lol), and I think that’s sexy. It allows me to push past bullshit, and create authentic projects that relate to real narratives.
VT: If you could tell your younger self anything, what would it be?
KG:I would tell my younger self that “you are going to be okay.” At the age of 26 years old, I have already experienced heartbreak three times. Each time, I felt like I was dying and that life would always be a bit gloomy. Although I am still hurting and healing from my past situations, I now have a better understanding of love and moving forward. I would want to tell my younger self, that you can heal from heartbreak and it is possible to experience love all over again. That’s truly a blessing.
VT: For the Black disabled women who may read this, what words of wisdom/love would you want to share? What does it mean to be a Black disabled woman in America?
KG:I have found that Black women will find ways to self-medicate to escape from the hard burdens of life. We will attempt to escape through drugs, sex, materialistic items, or anything to distract us from feeling alone and unworthy. There have been times in my life where I have turned into a different person completely. I urge Black disabled women to find healthy ways to deal with the hardships of life. It’s critical to find sisterhood, to practice self-care, and to practice grounding techniques. Don’t give up and don’t lose yourself during hard times.
VT: What’s a little known fact about you?
KG:I am a huuuge hip hop fan! Music, and specifically hip hop, often inspires in my work. Rappers are some of the most raw, vulnerable, and creative hustlers that you can learn about. I actively try to bring that level authenticity and unpolished realness to my work. Shout out to Queen Bey, Nicki Minaj, J. Cole, Solange, and Chance the Rapper.
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The reason I wanted to do this series is because of the lack of visibility of Black disabled women and the impact felt when our experiences are not included in the movement or in society. When I started RYV! four years ago, I did not know a single Black disabled woman doing advocacy work. Four years later, I am privileged to know many, and have them become a part of my disabled village. I want this series to showcase the talents and excellence that exists, and allow budding Black disabled women advocates to know that they are not alone – we are here.
If you want to learn more about Keri and her work, you can follow her on Twitter: @keri_gray. Next week, you will meet a woman who has a stylish and fierce clothing line that allows disabled women to feel comfortable in what they wear. Can you guess who she is?
Important Disability-Related Videos You Should Watch
Here's the Out of Step's TOOST Radio interview I participated in as a panelist on Nov. 6th, 2013. During the interview, I discussed my personal & professional viewpoints about the choice of discussing disability status while seeking employment opportunities. The part that I'm featured begins 15:29 minutes into the interview.
In this video, Beyoncé helps Kid President with World Humanitarian Day 2013. The Kid President has OI like I do. I think that his messages are ones that all walks of life & ages can learn from. I'm so jealous that he met one of my idols & favorite music performers, Beyoncé! I wanted to share with you all the interview the Kid President did with Beyoncé for World Humanitarian Day, which was August 19th, 2013.